What if people don’t like it? What about my reputation? What if this is the wrong path? What if my instinct was wrong? What will people think? 

In my last blog post (which was also my first blog post) I likened branching out into coaching to skydiving – terrifying, exhilarating. A little nuts? But the reality is that you and I had to overcome a lot just to get on the damn plane in the first place! These days, in order to fly we go through a pretty invasive security check; but for day to day life – job changes, relationship misunderstandings, parenting, moving, school, you name it – it’s often our insecurity we need to get in check.

Insecurity and self doubt are painful, troubling, even crippling experiences that I think most of us can relate to.  I’ve experienced (more than) my fair share – especially this past year. After a devastating start to 2021 professionally (a topic for a later post), I tried to reconnect with a network that I had left untended for several years. I found that some people were willing and open to re-establishing a professional relationship, and some simply… never responded. For a sensitive person like myself, those perceived rejections are pretty tough to deal with. But as I take moments to reflect on the arc and the big picture of my progress this year, I think the worst part of that insecurity is the tendency to focus on the few who were unwilling to connect and not on the many who were – that is the real shame.

Deepak Chopra recently addressed a question about insecurity from a reader, and this was his response:

“When we let ourselves be unduly influenced by others’ comments and remarks, it means that our core self is still unidentified. It effectively means we are letting others tell us who we are, instead of truly knowing our self. So use your natural introversion to meditate so you can experience and develop your real spiritual identity. That is the only long term solution to being affected by criticism and flattery. Being a sensitive type person you will always be somewhat affected by intense people and circumstances, but as you establish your core spiritual self, you will no longer be thrown off center by people’s remarks.”

https://www.deepakchopra.com/articles/overcoming-insecurity-2/?fbclid=IwAR3CeX5i9BU-5_5wABVqq72GsdUGTV9xKxToBj5cuQFZdnerfpNWK7YMOsY 

Ahhh Deepak, you always make it sound so simple! I suppose it is, really. Knowing your self and being secure in who you are means other people’s perceptions of you become… somewhat irrelevant, which in turn gives you freedom to do those things that feel risky.

If meditation is not your thing, and believe me I get it, how else could you follow Deepak’s advice and identify your “core self?” This may come as I real shock, but I am a firm believer in the power of coaching to help overcome insecurity. A good coach will give you the space to ground yourself, set your own agenda, explore the personal and professional areas that are important to you in that moment, and more often than not, allow you moments of insight where you realize that you knew the answers to your questions all along. Those flashes of realization are what I love most about coaching (and about being coached!).

Once you’ve had some opportunities to experience how well you can trust your own instincts, that confidence in yourself will grow.

Then you can turn your attention away from that small group of eternal detractors who love to find fault, and instead focus in on the many who want to see you do well – like I do.